Showing posts with label bad movie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bad movie. Show all posts

Gymkata (1985) Review

Gymkata (1985)
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When I was growing up, it seemed like every other movie on cable television was either called Iron Eagle or Gymkata. I had no use for Iron Eagle. Sorry. Gymkata, however, was a altogether different story. I must have seen this movie a few hundred times between grades 10-12--generally at three in the morning, stumbling in, stumbling out--less of a choice, more of a compromise. As if the pay channels didn't milk the Gymkata cash cow dry, local stations decided to make it their duty to keep it in heavy rotation on a weekly basis. The only movie that came close in its domination of b-string broadcasting was the 1972 classic, Gargoyles. But I digress. Gymkata is about a martial artist (Kurt Thomas) who loses his military papa (Eric Lawson). He goes to a small fictional nation that encompasses every clich? relating to villains from the 1980's. There's intrigue, a great feast, and more intrigue. There's an exotic princess who, to this day, still looks pretty good. The best part of the movie is the game of death--mostly because there isn't a great deal of dialog. As other reviews have mentioned, the asylum/village has some classic moments (the cackling woman comes to mind). Long story short, an olympic wannabe offers up a textbook example of why his acting career went nowhere. Of course, who am I to judge? I have yet to make a single movie about ninjas or good cops gone bad.
One last question: Why isn't this movie on DVD?

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Johnathan Cabot (Kurt Thomas) is a champion gymnast. In the tiny, yet savage, country of Parmistan, there is a perfect spot for a "star wars" site. For the US to get this site, they must compete in the brutal "Game". The government calls on Cabot, the son of a former operative, to win the game. Cabot combines his skill at western gymnastics with his fighting secrets of the east and forms Gymkata.

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Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection, Vol. 4 (Girl in Gold Boots / Hamlet / Overdrawn at the Memory Bank / Space Mutiny) (1988) Review

Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection, Vol. 4 (Girl in Gold Boots / Hamlet  / Overdrawn at the Memory Bank / Space Mutiny) (1988)
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This fourth collection of episodes from the classic TV comedy show, "Mystery Science Theater 3000" (which, if you don't already know, is the program where a silhouette of a man and his two robots sitting in theater seat provide running comedic commentary to rotten movies), contains four episodes from the later seasons that appeared on the Sci-Fi Channel. That means Mike Nelson is the host, Billy Corbett is doing Crow's voice instead of Trace Beaulieu, and Pearl Forrester is now the evil scientist holding the crew of the Satellite of Love hostage.
The early DVD collections were all focused on the Comedy Central years of MST3K, so this is a nice shift in Rhino's marketing. Some fans aren't fond of the host segments in these later years, but there are some occasional funny ones. The riffing, however, is as good as ever, and has changed to an angry, sarcastic style different than the Joel and early Mike years. I love both styles, but some fans prefer one or the other. Just be aware that in this package you're getting a full-assault of the later, Sci-Fi Channel episodes. (Rhino is about release another package of Sci-Fi Channel episodes, after which I hope they'll return to some of the early seasons to maintain balance.)
Of the four episodes on this collection, two are superb, while the others are entertaining but more average. Here's what you'll find:
GIRL IN GOLD BOOTS: A really sleazy `go-go' film from the late 60s with some disturbing similarities to "Showgirls" (except it's better). Sleazy `elf boy' picks up a girl in a greasy spoon restaurant with the promise of making her a dancer in Los Angeles at the club where his drug-addled sister works. Unfortunately, Elf Boy is a bit psychotic, the boss at the club is oily and sleazy, and a poetic spouting dude named Critter (or "Yak Boy") tries to lure our girl from her plunge into a life of...(gasp!)...SIN! Oh, and there's lots of cameras leering at girls in skimpy go-go outfits dancing to lousy music. The film is similar to early MST3K episodes like "Hellcats" and "Wild Rebels" in its greasy ugliness, but the film is mostly slow and boring. Mike and the `Bots do a decent job with it, but this is only an average episode. There is a funny host segment where Mike sings a syrupy guitar ballad while the ship burns.
HAMLET. A 60s German TV production of the play, horribly dubbed into English, and starring Maximilian Schell. It's bleak, drab, slow, and shot entirely on a single very uninteresting set of black curtains and granite furniture. The amusement of this episode is watching Mike and the `Bots take on a classic of literature, and riff off of famous lines, some of which is hysterical. But the production is so ponderous and slow that you'll be screaming along with the hosts for Hamlet to just shut up and die at the end ("Is there a word in English language he hasn't said?" one of them asks). There's a funny host segment called "Alas Poor Who?" set up as gameshow, where contestants must identify celebrities based on pieces of their bones. An intriguing, if not fantastic, episode.
SPACE MUTINY. Ah, here's the gravy! An awful South African-produced sci-fi stinker that rips off the plot of "Battlestar Galactica" - as well as all of its effects footage! (I'm not sure this was legally done.) The inhabitants of the giant space cruiser `The Southern Sun' - which is mostly a large basement and boiler room - face a mutiny by guys in marching band outfits. A chunky loser and his love interest (old enough to be his mother) must save the ship. There are loads of people flipping over railings as they get shot (railing kill!), mutineers who can't aim worthy a damn, a chase on vehicles that go slower than golf carts, and a hero who screeches like a woman at odd moments. Mike and the `Bots really let this film have it, and the result is one of the funniest episodes of the Sci-Fi Channel years.
OVERDRAWN AT THE MEMORY BANK. Just as great an episode as "Space Mutiny" is this horrendous Public Television-produced film. Acutally, it isn't a film: it was shot on VIDEO! Cheap and flat looking, and filled with cheesy video toaster effects, the film blows any chance of succeeding it might have had. And it had potential. It has a real star, Raul Julia, and an early cyberpunk and proto-`Matrix' idea of a man whose mind is lost inside a giant corporate computer in a dystopian future. But none of it makes the least bit of sense, and it reaches hysterical levels of incomprehensibility by the end. Mike and the `Bots are in top form, and there's plenty to laugh at here. The end sequence, where they call the tech-support line for the movie to complain, is a classic!
In addition to the films, Mike Nelson makes brief introductions to each episode, describing a bit of the behind-the-scenes torture the writers went going through. It's a nice feature, and I hope Rhino continues it.
Unlike some earlier Rhino discs, there are no "un-cut, un-MST3K" versions of the films available. Frankly, I never watched the un-cut films on the discs where is WAS available, and I don't think anyone would want to watch any of these film without Mike and the `Bots. They change awful entertainment into great entertainment - and that's a magic feat all on it's own, and why "Mystery Science Theater 3000" will live forever as one of comedy greats.
Come on, JUST PUSH THE BUTTON, FRANK, and buy this collection!

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Item Name: Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection, Vol. 4 (Girl in Gold Boots / Hamlet [1961] / Overdrawn at the Memory Bank / Space Mutiny); Studio:Rhino Theatrical

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The Karate Kid Part III (1989) Review

The Karate Kid Part III (1989)
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KKIII is a modern-day Greek tragedy. The universal themes of love, betrayal and quicksilver are thoroughly explored in this stunning classic. I have not seen writing like this since Aristophanes.
In Terry Silver, billionaire toxic waste peddler, we have the perfect foil. This morality play begins to unfold when Danny-boy is forced to sign the entry form to defend his All-Valley championship. "I think a champion should defend his title," observes Silver in one of the most gripping and compelling scenes imaginable.
Mike Barnes and Snake (and, to a lesser extent, Dennis) provide the fuel for Danny-boy's moral fire. The scene in the bonsai shop that ends in the mustang convertable being nearly smashed by a speeding locomotive is reminiscent of early Kafka.
Constantly challenging and never boring, KKIII forces each of us to look in the mirror. For indeed, who can really know when our real, actual John Kreise will jump from behind the cardboard imitation?
In closing, keep in mind Myagi's admonition: "Karate fought for plastic metal trophy no mean nothing." Indeed. I couldn't sum it up any better than that.
A definite 5-star classic.

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KARATE KID 3 - DVD Movie

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Ewoks - The Battle for Endor (1985) Review

Ewoks - The Battle for Endor  (1985)
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Back in the late 90's when the Special Editions of the Star Wars movies came out both of Ewok movies and the two videos from the cartoon series Droid and Ewoks were re-released. Both were out of print for over ten years and quickly after their re-release went out of print again (you can find the Droids and Ewoks cartoons here at amazon though dvd's would be great). I've grown up with the Star Wars saga and one of the first movies I ever saw in the theater was Return Of The Jedi (I actually saw it twice and I was around 5 years old at the time). I actually still have the taped versions of the two Ewok movies from their original arings on t.v. back in the mid 80's, which are two of the most cherrish items in my huge collection of Star Wars memorobillia but sadly like my old Star Wars figures the two videos have seen better days but it's nice to look back at the old commercials from those days, which takes me back to my childhood even more. I'd love for both Ewok films to be re-released onto video (in the clamshell packaging like it came in back in the late 90's) and especially dvd. I know both were made for t.v. movies and most of the time those aren't in high demand but this is Star Wars releated and of course anything related to Star Wars sells. Basically everthing else has been updated or re-released from the Star Wars universe (except for the first 3 movies on dvd, which of course will come out in 2006 but those films have been re-released many times on video). It's sad that the two Ewok movies haven't gotten their fair shake. I know there are alot of Ewok haters out there but there are also alot of fans and even if you're not a fan of the Ewoks you'll pick this up if ever re-released because you're a fan of Star Wars.
RE-RELEASE THE TWO EWOK MOVIES!!!!

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Manticore (2005) Review

Manticore (2005)
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While the SciFi channel shovels out stinkers by the dozen, from Species 3 (and Species 2 clearly earned a grade of Z-, so why they'd make another one....) to that movie with the cloned dragon with Dean Cain, Megasnake with the winner of the superhero competition, Basilisk and let's not forget those amazingly awful and absurd Sabretooth slasher type movies (I liked how the fetus had sabreteeth - cats of course don't grow teeth until after they're born, just like humans) which somehow managed to cast John Rhys Davies and Venessa Angel (hmmm, lots of mythological creatures from the commodore 64 game Archon when you think about it - perhaps we can expect a banshee, golem or shapeshifter movie to come - hopefully not a unicorn movie) to every manner of hokey disaster flick, this one stands out as an exception, despite the fact that its plot SOUNDS like a clone of all the others, which themselves contain nothing new or creative and are therefore pointless. I assure you, this is much, much better, and much more poignant. It's not mindless violence, it's mindFUL violence!
I was so impressed that I was actually waiting all through 2005 and 2006, checking video stores every week, to try to buy it on DVD and finally gave up and recorded it and edited out the commercials for my own collection when I saw it was on one last time, and I guess I should have just waited a little bit longer since now on inspiration I looked it up and sure enough it was released on DVD in 2007. It has several familiar faces, most notably the man who played Chekotay from Star Trek Voyager (and longer back, a main character from the movie Night of the Comet). It amazingly performs a striking political commentary on the whole 'weapons of mass destruction' fiasco in Iraq, as a small group of religious eccentrics in Iraq resurrect a creature of legend to rekindle THEIR national spirit behind a real, living, breathing weapon of mass destruction, in the face of a military invasion of dubious justification. Of course, the Manticore is just SO powerful and nearly uncontrollable (a standard creation turning on its master sort of story you might say), and practically immortal, so it of course gets a bit out of hand (I thought the manticore was kind of cute though, especially that long spiky tail - and they got the legend just right on the physical characteristics of the Manticore, by the way). So how do you stop the invincible manticore? In the final confrontation, they do their best to scrap together legend and modern technology, so watch the movie and see what they come up with. You won't be disappointed with the resolution. Well, unless you were rooting for the manticore to destroy western civilization or become someone's pet, you won't be disappointed.
As another reviewer pointed out, if they couldn't make the manticore a little less flagrantly computer animated, they should have shown him a bit less. His first appearance was such a brief glimpse, you don't get a good look at him, and that was pretty good - too bad they didn't continue like that all the way through, that would have even better than 'a claw here, a talon there'. Oh well, so it's not perfect. But as a low budget movie goes, I'm sure it was a million dollars well spent. Hollywood can shovel out garbage at 5 times the rate of the Sci-Fi channel and 500 times the price, so this is a testament to how good even a small investment can be if it's only done right. And that manticore was totally badazzzz.

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In war-torn Iraq, rugged Army soldiers learn that the battles they face every day have only been a warm-up to the unspeakable terror awaiting them. Dispatched to find a missing news crew, the squad finds itself facing an ancient, evil, a mythical clawed-and-winged beast known as the Manticore, now unleashed by villainous opponents to keep the land under their control. Starring Robert Beltran (Star Trek: Voyager), Jeff Fahey (Grindhouse), Chase Masterson (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine), and Heather Donahue (The Blair Witch Project), this gritty, powerhouse collision of brutal combat and monster-packed action will thrill you with every explosive minute!

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Jumper (2008) Review

Jumper (2008)
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I went to see Jumper with some of my family when it was released, and I have to say I enjoyed it very much. I've liked Hayden Christensen since I saw "Life as a House," and Samuel L. just rips up a villain role like nobody's business. The special effects were very well done and I was delighted to find that the main storyline they implied in the commercials is NOT what happened! Sure, the main character can teleport, but the rest.... The movie is billed as scifi/thriller type, but that's a bit misleading. This is more like the Highlander films, a fantasy element in the real world.
The movie was pretty fast paced with only a couple slower moments, and the character's self-exploration once he discovers the ability was almost as good as Peter Parker's in the first Spider-Man movie. Actually, in one way it was better. Peter uses his power to win a wrestling match and then jumps right into the hero role. Our similarly-aged jumper, however, jumps right into a bank vault, and a store, and...! *grin* He really is an ordinary person with an extraordinary ability. He used his ability for theft, but also for taking his surfboard to Fiji for the best waves. I liked the movie enough that I quickly ordered the book. They are COMPLETELY different, but both good for different reasons. The movie added a opposing force for jumpers (i.e. a "villain") whereas in the book, David mostly battles his own inner demons (with a lot of introspection). Plus, the very cool character of Griffin was completely made-up for the film. His character adds great action while giving viewers another jumper to identify with besides David. Though the movie had closure, they left it wide open for a sequel that I really hope gets made.
I think some viewers were overly critical of this film. It's not going to win any oscars, but I was entertained and that's the most important criteria.
As to the DVD itself, I have to say, do NOT buy the 2-disc edition. The second disk contains only a digital copy. All the extras are on disc one, which the regular edition has! I really wish the product description had been more clear on this. I wouldn't have paid the additional $6 for a digital copy which you have to use a keycode to transfer. The code is located on a card in the case, but it clearly states to be careful not to lose it. Also, the outer sleeve has a holographic image of the cover art that is glued to the front of the sleeve. I don't see it lasting long. Finally, once again the studio includes ads in the case, but no insert with chapter index and extra features.
The extra features were pretty standard. There's commentary, making of, interviews with the authors/producer etc, book to film featurette, and some deleted scenes (all of which I felt were rightly cut from the film). The interviews were interesting sinc ethey touched on how the producer obviously changed the book, and how the author felt. Nothing spectacular here, but for a single disc edition these were perfectly fine - and far more than they offered with "the Bourne Ultimatium".

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David is a Jumper who can teleport himself anywhere in the world, which creates a fun and exciting life. But things turn deadly when David finds himself pursued by a secret organization sworn to kill Jumpers. Forming an uneasy alliance with another Jumper he becomes a player in a war that has been raging for thousands of years.

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Star Wars Ewok Adventures - Caravan of Courage / The Battle for Endor (1985) Review

Star Wars Ewok Adventures - Caravan of Courage / The Battle for Endor (1985)
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Reading through all these people bashing these movies has me shaking my head. Really what can you expect out of television movies about Ewoks? To criticize these movies as being too childish is like criticizing the smurfs for being blue.
These movies were made for kids and not the people like me who saw the original STAR WARS movies in the theater as a kid but are now in their 30s. Really though to be able to get two movies on DVD for about half the price of a tank of gas to me sounds like an okay deal. People really should lighten up and take into account the audience these TV movies were made for.
One bright spot in these movies are some quite ambitious special effects (for TV at least).

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Reading through all these people bashing these movies has me shaking my head. Really what can you expect out of television movies about Ewoks? To criticize these movies as being too childish is like criticizing the smurfs for being blue. \r\nThese movies were made for kids and not the people like me who saw the original STAR WARS movies in the theater as a kid but are now in their 30s.Really though to be able to get two movies on DVD for about half the price of a tank of gas to me sounds like an okay deal. People really should lighten up and take into account the audience these TV movies were made for.\r\nOne bright spot in these movies are some quite ambitious special effects (for TV at least).

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