Laserblast (1978) Review

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(More customer reviews)The funny thing about B-Movies is that they become campy classics only when they were made with somewhat serious intentions. We crack up over "Plan 9 From Outer Space," but when they crank out contrived spoofs like "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes," we grow bored.
Laserblast is one of those classics in the spirit of Ed Wood Jr. Released in 1978, it stars the late Kim Milford (best known for popularizing the role of Rocky Horror in the Roxy version of "The Rocky Horror Show") as Billy, a handsome but shy and dysfunctional young man who comes across this groovy space gun that blows people & things to smithereens. There is a catch to this magical zapping-machine: with each blast, poor Billy gradually turns from the sweet & shy guy to a physically grotesque and murderous creature who begins taking out his enemies (not to mention a few innocent bystanders). Being that the film takes place the year after "Star Wars" was released, Billy even takes his aggression out on a small billboard advertising the film!
All this time these Claymation Space Creatures are cruising about in a spaceship, monitoring the earthly activity of their potent zapping machine, speaking in a way-out tongue that is never revealed.
As one who enjoys spotting familiar celeb faces in B-Movies, I had a field day with this film as the cast includes Roddy Mc Dowell (it always interested me how he appeared in as many campy films as he did quality films), Keenan Wynn, Gianni Russo (best known as Carlo in "The Godfather"), Eddie Deezen (character actor known for his ultra-nerd roles in movies like "Wargames," and most recently in "Polar Express"), and the late Cheryl "Rainbeaux" Smith, who appeared in scores of B-Movies throughout the 1970s. The movie was directed by Michael Rae, who went on to direct.....uh, nothing else ever again.
On a "bad movie scale" of 1 through 10 (1 being SO bad that it doesn't even pass as a fun B-Movie experience, 10 being a wonderful viewing experience because it's so bad!) I give Laserblast a 10+!!! You can pick up this DVD for a very reasonable price, so check out these Clay Creatures and their Monster-Making Laser Gun!


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LASERBLAST - DVD Movie

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Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection, Vol. 4 (Girl in Gold Boots / Hamlet / Overdrawn at the Memory Bank / Space Mutiny) (1988) Review

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(More customer reviews)This fourth collection of episodes from the classic TV comedy show, "Mystery Science Theater 3000" (which, if you don't already know, is the program where a silhouette of a man and his two robots sitting in theater seat provide running comedic commentary to rotten movies), contains four episodes from the later seasons that appeared on the Sci-Fi Channel. That means Mike Nelson is the host, Billy Corbett is doing Crow's voice instead of Trace Beaulieu, and Pearl Forrester is now the evil scientist holding the crew of the Satellite of Love hostage.
The early DVD collections were all focused on the Comedy Central years of MST3K, so this is a nice shift in Rhino's marketing. Some fans aren't fond of the host segments in these later years, but there are some occasional funny ones. The riffing, however, is as good as ever, and has changed to an angry, sarcastic style different than the Joel and early Mike years. I love both styles, but some fans prefer one or the other. Just be aware that in this package you're getting a full-assault of the later, Sci-Fi Channel episodes. (Rhino is about release another package of Sci-Fi Channel episodes, after which I hope they'll return to some of the early seasons to maintain balance.)
Of the four episodes on this collection, two are superb, while the others are entertaining but more average. Here's what you'll find:
GIRL IN GOLD BOOTS: A really sleazy `go-go' film from the late 60s with some disturbing similarities to "Showgirls" (except it's better). Sleazy `elf boy' picks up a girl in a greasy spoon restaurant with the promise of making her a dancer in Los Angeles at the club where his drug-addled sister works. Unfortunately, Elf Boy is a bit psychotic, the boss at the club is oily and sleazy, and a poetic spouting dude named Critter (or "Yak Boy") tries to lure our girl from her plunge into a life of...(gasp!)...SIN! Oh, and there's lots of cameras leering at girls in skimpy go-go outfits dancing to lousy music. The film is similar to early MST3K episodes like "Hellcats" and "Wild Rebels" in its greasy ugliness, but the film is mostly slow and boring. Mike and the `Bots do a decent job with it, but this is only an average episode. There is a funny host segment where Mike sings a syrupy guitar ballad while the ship burns.
HAMLET. A 60s German TV production of the play, horribly dubbed into English, and starring Maximilian Schell. It's bleak, drab, slow, and shot entirely on a single very uninteresting set of black curtains and granite furniture. The amusement of this episode is watching Mike and the `Bots take on a classic of literature, and riff off of famous lines, some of which is hysterical. But the production is so ponderous and slow that you'll be screaming along with the hosts for Hamlet to just shut up and die at the end ("Is there a word in English language he hasn't said?" one of them asks). There's a funny host segment called "Alas Poor Who?" set up as gameshow, where contestants must identify celebrities based on pieces of their bones. An intriguing, if not fantastic, episode.
SPACE MUTINY. Ah, here's the gravy! An awful South African-produced sci-fi stinker that rips off the plot of "Battlestar Galactica" - as well as all of its effects footage! (I'm not sure this was legally done.) The inhabitants of the giant space cruiser `The Southern Sun' - which is mostly a large basement and boiler room - face a mutiny by guys in marching band outfits. A chunky loser and his love interest (old enough to be his mother) must save the ship. There are loads of people flipping over railings as they get shot (railing kill!), mutineers who can't aim worthy a damn, a chase on vehicles that go slower than golf carts, and a hero who screeches like a woman at odd moments. Mike and the `Bots really let this film have it, and the result is one of the funniest episodes of the Sci-Fi Channel years.
OVERDRAWN AT THE MEMORY BANK. Just as great an episode as "Space Mutiny" is this horrendous Public Television-produced film. Acutally, it isn't a film: it was shot on VIDEO! Cheap and flat looking, and filled with cheesy video toaster effects, the film blows any chance of succeeding it might have had. And it had potential. It has a real star, Raul Julia, and an early cyberpunk and proto-`Matrix' idea of a man whose mind is lost inside a giant corporate computer in a dystopian future. But none of it makes the least bit of sense, and it reaches hysterical levels of incomprehensibility by the end. Mike and the `Bots are in top form, and there's plenty to laugh at here. The end sequence, where they call the tech-support line for the movie to complain, is a classic!
In addition to the films, Mike Nelson makes brief introductions to each episode, describing a bit of the behind-the-scenes torture the writers went going through. It's a nice feature, and I hope Rhino continues it.
Unlike some earlier Rhino discs, there are no "un-cut, un-MST3K" versions of the films available. Frankly, I never watched the un-cut films on the discs where is WAS available, and I don't think anyone would want to watch any of these film without Mike and the `Bots. They change awful entertainment into great entertainment - and that's a magic feat all on it's own, and why "Mystery Science Theater 3000" will live forever as one of comedy greats.
Come on, JUST PUSH THE BUTTON, FRANK, and buy this collection!

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Item Name: Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection, Vol. 4 (Girl in Gold Boots / Hamlet [1961] / Overdrawn at the Memory Bank / Space Mutiny); Studio:Rhino Theatrical

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The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978) Review

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(More customer reviews)Let my preface my review by saying that I actually do remember watching this as a wee lad back in 1978 and loving it. Specifically, I remember that Han was trying to get Chewie home for Xmas (well, Life Day - what ever the hell that is) and that Chewie's tree-house dwelling family were "captured" by storm troopers. I also remember all the major characters being in it (except of course Governor Tarkin and Ben Kenobi who bought the farm in the movie). Call it selective memory, but I LUCKILY didn't remember anything beyond this! Seeing that I have/had found childhood memories of this special, I was curious to see how it would play almost 30 years later. Boy, was I surprised...
It starts off OK. Our heroes, Han & Chewie are in the Falcon fleeing 2 imperial star destroyers (déjà vu?). The cockpit is the cheaped out TV version and actual movie footage of the space ships are used but no big deal. At this point, I'm just amazed that Harrison Ford agreed to this! Obviously, Stardom had not hit yet. And then Boo-yah! They jump to hyper space and all is well. Then the open credits role and announces the cast and "special guests": Bea Arthur (what?), Harvey Corman (are you serious?), Art Carney (Norton in a galaxy far far away?), Dianne Carroll (who?) and the Jefferson Starship (no!!!!!!!!). At this point, I'm thinking so far so good - maybe it won't be as bad as they say it is...............WRONG.
Back from commercial break, we go to the first scene at Chewie's tree house. We are introduced to Chewie's family, wife = Mala, his cute yet annoying as hell son Lumpy (very creative name!) and lumpy's perverted grandpa Itchy (OK, heads need to roll for this!). Now begins the 15 plus minutes of pure torture - grunting wookies playing house! Just when you think it can't get any worse Lumpy The Whiney goes for an electronic gadget. Now we have to suffer through 10 minutes of Circus Solei type non-sense with jesters, jugglers and dancers. BIZARRO WORLD times 100! Note: whenever one of Chewie's family members go for an electronic gadget or gizmo, prepare to suffer. Also note: have the remote ready to fast forward through the things that are so bad, you will get nightmares if you watch them. Worth noting is the fact that after viewing this part of the show I got up and made myself a nice bourbon on the rocks. Take that for what it's worth...............
After the viewer survives what just happened, I believe we are introduced the Art Carney the Space Trader. I think he sells a nail clipper or something to a grumpy Imperial Officer. It seems "Norton" is close to Chewie's family but more importantly, plays the comic relief role in the special. He pops up a few more times in the next hour plus and frankly, he annoyed me the least out of all the Special Guests. Call me crazy, but I kind of liked Art Carney in this role! He was given crap to work with and gave 110% effort. I loved the beer gut and the bi-focals too! CLASSIC.
Next we go back to more annoying Wookie shenanigans. This time Itchy, who obviously got hit with the ugly stick, heads for an electronic gadget. NOOOO!!!!!!!! This is where it gets really interesting. Itchy attaches himself to this dream machine where your imagination runs wild. In comes the sensual Diane Carroll as what I can only describe as a call girl in space. It's borderline pornographic here. Itchy is making noises that one should not hear on Network Television! Soft core wookie porn is not my thing. I actually got a kick out this part until she started to sing a never -ending song. Time to hit the fast forward button again........................
I think at this point Chewie's family gets a video call from Princess Leia and C3p0 looking for Han & Chewie. Relatively speaking, not a horrible scene really but Carrie Fisher has a mischievous look in here eyes (i.e coked off her gord no doubt).
Next, Luke Skywalker and R2-D2 check in via video to check on Han & Chewie's progress. SHOCKING MOMENT! Mark Hamill is almost unrecognizable! I'm guessing that this is one of his first appearances after that horrific car crash. His eyes look weird and small and his nose, well rumor had it that he actually lost his nose in that accident (although never really confirmed). Very disheartening actually. He appears to be on pain killers or something too. And the make-up - it's caked on big time covering huge scars I suppose. So sad but interesting to see none the less.
OK, let's talk about Harvey Corman, funny man from the Carol Burnett show. Not funny whatsoever. In fact, every second of time he got was annoying and pointless. He gets the award for "#1 Show Wrecker" along with whoever wrote the crappy story! Save yourself and fast forward thru every scene he is in! Trust me............
I think at this point in the show, two imperial storm troopers and an imperial general come a knocking looking for rebels and what not. They start harassing the wookies and trashing the place. They even trash poor little Lumpy's room to bits (even his new toy!). For some reason the scene where the stormtrooper trashed lumpy's room and toys sticks with me to this day. This is probably where my feelings for the Empire went from dislike to hate. Kudos to the guy that played the imperial general, he did a good job portraying a bad guy. I was hoping he would order the storm troopers to shoot either Lumpy or Itchy (or both).
Finally, we get something cool. The cartoon that features our heroes and BOBA FETT. You think that Boba may be a nice guy after all but in the end, we find out what side he is really on. Pretty cool. Probably the best part of the special next to seeing Luke, Leia and Han act like idiots.
Next we go to Tatooine and the bar in Mos Eisley! SO COOL. All of the original characters are there: wolf-man dude , hammer head, the white bear thingee with one tooth, the dude that didn't like Luke, the band, the vampire guy etc etc. In comes Bea Arthur as the bartender. Real corny and stuff but when her ex-boyfriend, Harvey Corman the space alien, comes in you get the worst bit of television in the history of television. FAST FORWARD NOW! Corman leaves and you think the worst is over. Wrong again! Bea Arthur has to sing and dnace around with the alines. WHY GOD, WHY? Cut 10-15 minutes out of this scene and just have Bea offering a free last round of drinks and we are good to go.
To make a long review short, Han & Chewie show up and save the day. Han throws a storm trooper out of the tree house and all is well. Han and Chewie embrace (real big hug - very curious???) and we get on with the queer Life Day celebration. Anyway, we now have out heroes (han, leia, luke, R2, 3PO and Chewie back together again and here is when the show really shines. The whole Life Day celebration is friggin ridiculous but the best part is when Princess Leia sings the Life Day song to the theme of Star Wars. HILARIOUS & CLASSIC TV MOMENT!
In conclusion, there' so much wrong with this special that I really could go on for hours about it. It easily could have been cut down to 30 minutes (by cutting an hour plus of needless crap) and been a good little show for kids. Really, the writers should be tarred and feathered for this pathetic effort. Also, Lucas needs to take some blame here. It's his franchise - He let them use his stars, his characters, clips from his movie, theme music from his movie, sound effects from his movie etc. Without a doubt, Lucas learned his lesson after this fiasco. Oh, I forgot to mention Jefferson Starship because they suck and I fast forwarded thru that part..............
Was it worth seeing? Hell ya. At least for nostalgia purposes. Now I know why Lucas wants to find and destroy every copy of this show!


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